the guest
(the Guest was on her way back in a speeding chariot with a polite young boy and his father. They were her son's friends, who were very kindly sharing the carriage with her to VolgaGrad. She saw twinkling lights of passing carriages flying past, beautiful thorough-breds galloping past at lightening speed. She braced herself for the bumps in the road, each one magnified by the the rickety wooden tyres. She was missing the doctor terribly, after having dreamt about him the previous night. She imagined lying on his chest and sleeping, and his salt and pepper beard scratching her forehead as she slept. In her dream, occassionally he would kiss her face tenderly. The missing increased to an ache in her chest. She tried to block him out of her mind, but her heart pined.))
My dearest PeePeeDoc,
Today was an exhilarating day: the St. Petersburg concert in front of the Tsar and Tsarina. We started the morning with a small trek to neighbouring hill behind the Castle. The little boy staying with us (Neil) and his very rotund father are also early risers, and were keen to join our duo on this adventure. The two young boys climbed like mountain goats, while i trailed behind with the huffing father, an aristocrat from a town quite close to my own. At one point his face was a flushed pink while he puffed away...pink puffer I imagined to myself. Thankfully, not a blue bloater! He managed to reach the top with a little pushing and shoving from me, and the boys very sweetly greeted us with cheers when we reached the top. There is a charming grotto on the top where I offered prayers for the day, and said a special one for the two young musicians who had come with such great dreams. I know how hard they have worked, so I wanted nothing more than for them to come through with flying colours. In the afternoon I visited my maternal grandparents house for the first time since they passed away more than a year ago. I am a coward. They had passed away within two months of each other, both times when I was out of the country and unable to attend the funeral. After that, i hadn't summoned up the courage to enter their home. I couldn't imagine driving up to that gorgeous castle and not see them sitting in the patio with their dog, waiting for my carriage to arrive. I stood outside their castle for a few minutes, crying softly, till my little fellow gently nudged me saying "come on Aai, nothing happens if you just wait." He tugged at my hand and took me inside and suddenly I could feel their love swirl around me enveloping me in their warm embrace. I was wonderful to meet my maternal uncle and aunty and cousin and her husband who had come especially to meet us. And their dog, well she was fatter than ever, giving me a thorough licking on my toes. I felt like my heart had turned to jelly and the warm slush was flowing through my body, giving me infinite comfort.
After a sumptuous lunch of lamb and chicken, we headed to the Imperial Palace to rehearse. It was a sight to behold! A stunning concert hall with thick velvet curtains with guilded edges, framed a grand stage and a gorgeous brand new German pianoforte called Bluthner. The boys immediately took turns hammering at the black and whites. In between their practices, I opened up my little ones chess set for them to pass the time. It was inspiring to see them toggling different types of ivories and ebonies: black and white keys flying while they scaled rooks and bishops and pawns and traded kings. They are definitely an unusual set of boys!
The final show started at 6.30pm when the royal family made their grand entrance. After that, it was a blur of performances, young boys well before their prime, battle huge compositions and take on musical giants. Their fingers flew over the keys, crashing down in parts, tender and loving in others. It was a sight to behold! They ended with a standing ovation and much to my surprise, my boy was chosen to give the encore, on his flute!
I can't tell you the infinite gratitude i feel to the Universe and our Creator for moments like this. My heart is like an earthen pot which is filled to the brim with love.
I pray one day you can hear him play.
I pray that i turn around in the audience and see your smiling face, you eyes crinkled up with joy, drinking in the sight of me, and the sound around you.
This is a long letter. I will end it with a kiss on your lips as I place my hand on your heart.
Much love and prayers always,
Madame D
((She wiped a tear from her eye. She couldn't understand why the ache was so bad today. She thought she was getting stronger, but was it even possible to fall deeper in love? From her fingers to the beak of a stork....Into the dark ink....))
(the Guest was struggling to stay awake. It had been a long day, fuelled by only a few hours of sleep the previous night. She was longing to finish the day's work and hang up her boots. They actually had a corner in the castle where there was a Shoe Mountain. No amount of shelves or discipline could coax her tiny family to obey Shoe Discipline, and so the show mountain stood tall and stoic in the face of the Guest's open hostility. She sat down armed with her nib to quickly drop a line to the good doctor.))
My dearest PeePeeDoc,
The day started with me bidding my first born, and the apple of my eye, a teary farewell. He embarassedly pushed me away when I tried to kiss his cheek in front of his friends. He is taller than me now, so I can't really bamboozle him anymore! He has gone far away on a trip, and one day in the distant future I would imagine him boarding a giant metal balloon and scaling the same distance in a quicker duration of time. What a sight that would be! I sleepily made my way to court, when i got an unexpected message from an old friend. It thrilled me to the core, much against my better sense. To be honest, I'm very cross with him because he has been cruel to me on occassion. But it's a confusing situation: i empathise with him and understand why he is cruel, yet i don't like being at the receiving end of it. It pains me tremendously. Does that make sense to you? I had sworn never to answer his call, in passive aggressive protest for his silent severence, but my heart skipped a beat when I realised it was him, and all ego flew out of the window! Now don't be jealous. I love you, my darling PeePeeDoc, infinitely more than him. You are a much better person than he is. And more importantly, you are exclusively mine!
Do you feel proprietary over people? I find parenthood one such unique situation. We bleed our hearts, souls and cells into people who are "ours" only for a short period of time. Then we watch them fly away with pride, with the bitter sweet knowledge that they may never come back! How does humankind do this? It's an astonishing process! Is there any one person you consider your own? Have you ever loved someone truly, with no expectations in return? I find canine love to be like this. My beautiful white ghost hound loves me with such abandon, she makes up for the entire world. How blessed I am!
I end this letter with a gentle kiss on your neck, exactly on the right side above your collar bone, that gently contoured well where my kisses can collect till they touch your shirt collar.
Much love and sweet dreams and prayers always,
Madame D
((The Guest slipped into her bed and switched off the night lamp. A noble owl flew in, offering to carry her letter to her PeePeeDoc far away in a distant land......))
((the Guest sat down for her favourite time of the day. Chronicling her life and thoughts for the good doctor. It gave her clarity, sorted out all the knots and twists in her mind like unraveling a crochet sweater. Today she began re-reading an old favourite, which she had read previously at the age of 16. She was curious to know if it would still appeal to her, and enthrall her as much as it had, at the time.))
My dearest PeePeeDoc,
If I could time travel and send you the name of the book I am reading, it would be renamed The Last Tsar. But in our current times, the author and the book name are complicated Russian names which you will find difficult to comprehend. Most importantly, you won't be able to imagine a time when the Romanov family does not rule Russia, given their sheer power and wealth as God's absolute representative on Earth. Can I confess that I don't share that opinion? (I hope our letters never get intercepted by errant storks, because it might cost me my neck!) How is it possible for a man to represent God? And propagate this holiness in each subsequent generation. Some of the things I see, make me believe our Tsar and Tsarina are quite unholy! So this futuristic book talks of rumbles in the court of a Tsar Nicolas the Bloody, whose reign begins with his wedding party hosted for the commoners where several thousands died in a stampede, describing a strange Mystic called Rasputin and a Tsarevich with a bleeding disorder called Hemophilia. It's a fantastical tale with entries from the diaries of the Royal family, the last entry being the day they were woken up in the middle of the night for a family portrait. This is a portrait splattered with blood and diamonds, with rumours of the young Tsarevich and one princess surviving the assassination. You know I have always thought hemophilia to be fatal, till i had a patient who had hemophilia, and is alive till a healthy 44! He has had multiple bleeding episodes during dental extractions, large hematomas when he has been injured, but I think it isn't as fatal as it is made out to be. So when the book speculates that the young hemophilia Tsarevich might have survived the assassination attempt, I'm tending to believe it. How i love conspiracy theories! Fantastical tales of countries choreographing moon landings in a Hollywood studio! After all, who can ever conceive landing on the moon!
I'm on my last assignment of the day. I pray that I'm home soon, into the arms of my son and dog. I'm missing my older son desperately.
Has your baby come home? How was her camp? How emotional did you get at the reunion? I think daughter's are always extra special for their father's:)
And to you, my extra special PeePeeDoc, i wish you a good day. I will write to you before I go to bed.
All my love,
Madame D
((The Guest made a tiny origami stork out of her letter. She knows a few basic things: a boat, a box, a chip chop, a stork, which she learnt from a Japanese scholar. She loves the act of origami but sadly lacks the talent. She fed this Stork Papyraceous to the fleshy healthy one, stroked his beak and bade him good speed to you.))