rtt1313
My dearest OB,
First and foremost, i must thank you again for showing concern. I am blessed to have a friend like you, thank God for that.
Yesterday was tough because Dnyanesh and I had alot of conversations, which forced me to look inwards and take some decisions. Ofcourse, in all relationships there is back and forth and alot of tears, ((tu tu main main, as you once described it)) but I'm so pleased to say we managed to put some mindful boundaries, while still supporting and helping each other. No relationship is complete, no one person is complete. We all get something different from our various interactions with different souls. From some it's laughter, from some it's perspective, from some it's safe advice, from somes it's aggro. Sadly we are marketed the narrative that a spouse is supposed to embody it all. How is that possible? Different souls always teach us different things. Then the added angle of gender and societal bindings. I am so happy we live in a time where men and women can interact and be close friends. Where people of different orientations can interact and have healthy friendships. It is an evolution of a different kind. One of the things that stood out in yesterday's CAI event is that the narrator said "the women of today can live the lives they do, because of their grandmothers." And that is so true! We can work, study, travel and evolve beyond the four walls of the kitchen.
So that is where i stand. I was infinitely sad, and if I have to be honest, was finding my very existence, futile. I thought of the hundred ways i would not be forced to continue with life after certain duties were done, certain exams were over. And then i reminded myself that OB would not be happy, he would be disappointed if that's how he came to meet puru and antu, and how i must smile and see the tremendous growth that has happened in my life, in many many ways. I have begun writing again, i have begun seeing the poetry of life again. I must also not allow my happiness to be tied to dnyaneshs. While as a wife it is my duty to make sure he is comfortable and well cared for, it is not my duty to take on his problems. For the sake of my sanity, I have to leave his problems for himself to figure. I'm sorry I don't mean to trouble you with my domestic spats, but just to give you a gist of what opened my eyes, was one of the most ignorant things he said to me: "you enjoy being a victim." Who in the world, will enjoy being a victim? I think if anyone says that, they have never been a victim. Would anyone enjoying being raped? Would anyone enjoying being murdered? Would anyone enjoying being tortured? It comes from a place of great privilege to be able say "you like to be poor/unwell. "
I hope I make sense to you! Sorry for the burden of my world. And thank you for your patient ears (eyes in this case).
#seeyoulateralligator
Aai