greek drama: surgery edit
The day started as innocuously as any other. You know, the sun rising in the East and all of that. Life was seemingly mundane....he felt a bit trapped. Like you could check out anytime you liked, but you could never leave. Haedes stretched his arms above his head, breathing in deeply. All he had to do was to keep everything in the Universe on track: Planets orbitting ✅ Sun rise Eastward 30 degrees ✅ Sun set timed for 6.34pm over 23.5degrees latitude (traitorously name after that a#£hole Cancer) ✅ All progeny (Phaethon, Circe, Aeëtes, Pasiphae, Heliode) safely in school,(one watching Netflix in Daadas house) ✅ Wife looking happy ✅... ❌
Wait a minute. He turned sharply and saw Perse's face. It was stuck in a horrific scowl.
"What's up, honey?" he asked hesitantly, not quite sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"By Zeus, I think I'm having the worst abdominal cramps!" she said hysterically.
"Oh no!" cried Haedes, mimicking sympathy, secretly just relieved that he hadn't been the cause of her ire. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor?"
"I need to do something," groaned Perse, clutching her belly tightly. "I feel like I'm going to deliver another planet."
Haedes instantly logged into chastegpt, the app for pure, unbiased information.
H: HOW DO I CONTROL A HYSTERICAL WIFE?
CHASTEGPT: THE ANSWER TO HER HYSTERIA IS OBVIOUS. ALL SHE NEEDS IS THE HYSTERIA REMOVED. SHE NEEDS A HYSTERECTOMY.
H: WHO IS THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB?
CHASTEGPT: THE BEST PERSON IS NONE OTHER THAN DR AM ON A PLANET CALLED EARTH.
H: ARE YOU SURE THAT WILL SOLVE HER PROBLEM?
CHASTEGPT:YOU HAVE A PREMIUM PLUS SUBSCRIPTION. ARE YOU DOUBTING ME?
H: NO. PLEASE SEND ME HIS ADDRESS.
Two million light years later Haedes and Perse arrived at Breach candy hospital on the very same latitude that the sun was programmed to set, and Perse found herself coerced into a hysterectomy. "Don't worry. You will be fast asleep when everything happens," assuaged the anesthetist kindly. She was a tiny girl, not much higher than the table herself. "Umm.....will you be able to reach me from down there?" asked the God-like figure. "I always use a platform called Paatla," she reassured. "My husband would like to come in for the surgery," she said. "We can't refuse the Gods," said Anesthesia. Just as Haedes strode into the OT, the entire outside world went black! It's like he had swallowed the sun and prohibited it from shining on the rest of the world. Only his wife's abdomen lay lit, like a spotlight on it, and he infused some saturn-like gases into her abdomen. They swirled inside as the surgeon went in with the many-armed God with Seven Degrees of Motion. He chopped and sliced, and burnt and charred and snipped and sutured till all the hysteria causing elements were magically removed! Haedes looked visibly impressed. "Hey you guys," offered Haedes, "If you ever want to come to other planets with the many-armed God, just hit me up." He winked with his golden eye and slipped a visiting card into Anesthesia's hand. His number was clearly imprinted:
007.
