episode 10B
PPD, the Guest and Mata Hari were awoken to a jubilant alarms of the horn, interspersed with the tinkling of the harp. It was a magical alarm!
"Hey isn't this song Walk like an Egyptian?" asked PPD to the Guest.
"Yes, a completely acoustic version!" It's insane!!
They sat at the window of the inn looking out at the people lining the streets. It was a sea of white and red. The nobility and wealthy, in starch white robes with the blue and gold neck collar, and the locals in plaine white Egyptian cotton starched gowns without the collar. There were mothers dragging chubby children, some crying, some skipping joyfully alongside, grandmother's waddling behind them. The men spotted immaculately manicured beards, closely cut against their sharp, angular jaws, tamed down with bees wax. They all had dark kohl lined eyes highlighting their deep set eyes, and bees wax applied as gel on their eye brows to smoothen them down.
"What a magnificent race!" gushed the Guest.
"They are not regular hoomans, you know?" said Mata.
PPD rolled his eyes. Here goes another conspiracy theory!
"Listen meestar PPD, before you start your attitood, just do maths ok? Luk at dos pyramids. Each block weighs 2.5tonnes (5000lbs) . Total number of bloks ver 2.3million! Dat means, dey were placing one block every few minutes, because dey took between 20-27 years to build one pyramid. And can you see any big masheens? Maybe der vill be big masheens in the future veech veel have giant open mouths attached to engeens vich might accidentally brek down volls of some doktors house many centuries away....who knows???? But right now. Nothing. Zilch. So how did dey mak dis? Can you leeeft dis much?" She ran a sinnewy finger along PPD's bicep and he felt himself shudder. The Guest rolled her eyes, "Mata!" she said warningly, knowing PPD could easily fall prey to that insane level of feminine seduction and charm .
"Ok ok. No touch technique. But vot I'm saying you comprende???"
PPD looked sufficiently impressed by Mata's matamatics. This woman was the fifth wonder of the world!
((Dear Reader, do note that by this time period the remaining two wonders were not yet constructed.))
He looked on at the people with renewed awe. They really were probably a superior race from somewhere: tiny, light boned, as thin as the reeds that dotted the banks of the Nile, and very agile! What a fantastic race!
"Let's join them!" said the Guest, pulling PPD's arm. Mata Hari readjusted her brass breast plate and glided behind them.
The avenue led to the giant steps of an enormous temple of Hatshetput, alongside the green waters of the Nile. They had never seen Green water before, but it is true, the Nile is truly green in colour. The Guest imagined a transparent water body in which Anubis dipped a thick paintbrush into a Camlin green poster paint bottle, without cleaning it properly after using the blue jar. The pain spread, initially blue from its past crimes, and then the strong bilious green overtook it with alarming confidence! The water mingled into a homogenous deep green, turning the entire river into an indocyanine green pea soup! The Guest had experienced this many a times with her sons. She could feel the other Gods' pain! It was terrible to see the paints double dipped in childish haste! "Always clean the brush with a cloth after dipping it into the water," she would tell her boys in another time. Ofcourse, no one listened, and two weeks later the Camlin poster paints were hard cakes, looking like marbles, with many different colours imprinted onto it's face. The outside sticker on the bottle was the only indicator of its native shade, while the actual truth would be that every single bottle was now the same, hard, unusable colour!
"It's unbearably hot!" said Mata, wiping the sweat of her upper lip.
"She still thinks she's in Amsterdam????" asked the Guest caustically.
"Quiet D," admonished PPD. He hated the Guest's tendency to roast her fellow travellers.
Suddenly the crowds parted a two lady Gladiators walked down, with two enormous tigers leashed on either side. The crowd gasped! The tigers roared while the smaller babies burst into tears and their mothers stared wide- eyed.
"Aai of the 🐯!" hummed PPD into the Guest's ear. She giggled appreciatively and took in the spectacle. The Tiger Walkers were followed by two African slave women, larger than any women they had ever seen before, walking two crocodiles.
"Wow! They are high lighting women's rights and womens' equality in this parade! What a woke bunch!" remarked the Guest. Mata craned her neck to see above PPD's shoulder.
The next group was a bunch of Pygmies from Africa. These tiny men were naked except for tiny fig leaves covering their genitals. Large mammoth size penises majestically protruded below the leaves, keeping them raised like flags saluting the queen. "It is a know fact that Pygmies have very large penises," informed an intensely nerdy PPD. "So much so, the average cystoscope does not reach the neck of their bladders."
Mata Hari licked her lips like a hungry lioness, while the Pygmies marched ahead proudly. The Guest looked suspiciously at Mata. She didn't miss the winking that was happening between her and the Pygmy leader.
A troop of Roman virgins followed, riding snow white horses, the main leader carrying a symbolic harp in the hand. Each one has blonde hair that cascaded in gentle curls till her buttocks, and each one was more beautiful than the next. They had beetroot gel applied on their lips, and azure blue paint on their eye lids. They were ethereal!
The last group to follow was a group of men and women wearing rainbow coloured gowns draped toga style over their shoulders.
"Dees group believes in Greek love!" whispered Mata.
"You mean Roman love? That would be more accurate eh?" asked PPD.
"No no. Greek love. They are from the island of Sodom and Lesboa and they are a veeeery proud bunch!" she stated authoritatively.
The pageantry continued till they reached the footsteps of the temple, where they flanked either side of the gates. Just then, the trio witnessed a sight like no other. A million slaves pulled at a huge stone Sphinx, dragging it to the temple of Hatshetput. Perched on the top was the petit, Monarch, with her magnificent nose!
Mata and the Guest gasped! HRH Cleopatras skin was an ethereal gold, with real gold dust dotting her brow and cheek bones. Her lips were painted black with kohl, as were her eyes, that pierced through the air like lightening rods. The mob felt their hair stand on end! Her white silk gown cascaded down the sides of the 30 foot high sphinx, and the virgins ran to prevent it from scraping the ground. The Queen gazed critically at the newly unveiled replica Sphinx made of her besides Hatshetput's temple. Her brow furrowed, her eyes narrowed. The audience quivered in fear! Just then a little child in the mob slung a catapult into the sandstone statue and it struck it firmly between the two eyes. A horrifying crack began to appear as the nose began to dislocate from the face. It shivered, it shook, and finally came crashing to the ground! The mob gasped and HRH Cleopatras face twisted in rage. She looked enraged, into the mob, for the guilty party.
"It's not a child! It's one of the Pygmies!" whispered PPD, whose darpok mode got activated.
She silently pointed a long nail in the direction of the perpetrator, and he was lifted up in one sweeping stroke, and catapulted into the Nile, his final role in life was as an entree in the Crocodiles' five course meal.
"And that's why the Sphinx looks like this!" marvelled the Guest.
"Vot a vaste of a juicy sausage!" lamented Mata Hari.
