Darkness in Mumbai, No Emergency Declared
Mumbai, 0904, 21 April
Darkness fell upon South Mumbai, the epicenter appeared to be near Marine Lines Station. As per reports, the darkness started shortly after the beginning of a robotic surgery at the adjacent Saifee Hospital. As soon as the Robot docked and the operating surgeon, whom we are naming Dr A, started surgery, the sun disappeared. It is said that the sun started becoming darker and darker for about 15 minutes before the 'docking of the robot,' apparently coinciding with the start of anaesthesia.
The Medical Superintendent has not replied to repeated calls to explain how the sun over Mumbai could be related to the robotic surgery.
We spoke to a Climate Change expert at the Bhabha Atomic Research Centre, who said that there maybe some electromagnetic radiation generated by the robot which countered the radiation of the Sun in some way. He was sending a team to take urgent measurements of radiation from South Mumbai.
Another Climate Change expert from the University of Mumbai said he was giving up science and going to Mansarovar to pray because he thought the world was coming to an end. At last reports this expert was adorned in two pieces of saffron cloth with no slippers and was seen at the ticketing counter of Shivaji Terminus.
A third expert from the Department of Geology at St Xavier's College, said this darkness is probably related to the recent desecration of Jesus Christ's statue by the Israeli Army in South Lebanon.
When contacted, the local Jewish Chabad House in Colaba said that the Rabbi was unavailable to comment on the darkness as his wife was in labour at Breach Candy Hospital for the 11th time.
A Muslim priest from Haji Ali said he was wearing sunglasses and couldn't see any darkness. Another Imam from the Jama Masjid next to St George's Hospital said he had already left for Hajj and couldn't comment on the matter.
Meanwhile, some informed sources are reporting on the onset of madness in a very famous local Urologist. The man, an Alpha Male, whom we shall name, Dr MM, descended into madness after he received a call in the morning. There is no confirmation on who made the call, but it was apparently made by his colleague who said she was unavailable to do his cases for the second straight day. We are confirming this fact as this article goes to press.
As this report was being filed, a bearded man met this reporter outside Saifee Hospital and said that this Darkness descended because the descendant of a Queen decided to rescind an offer. On further questioning, the man said that an anaesthesiologist had refused to do a case with a particularly spiritual surgeon for a second straight day. The sadness was so profound that the Sun stopped shining over Mumbai.
The meteorological department is not reporting any clouds over Mumbai. There are no birds migrating over the city.
However, this darkness has had no impact on the city that never sleeps. It is reported that schools are open, the stock exchange is running as usual, the Mantralaya is working normally and suburban trains are arriving and departing on time. Almost like the day has been inverted and night has become day.
Of course that may change if and when the anesthesiologist decides to pay heed to the Spiritual Surgeon's requests, bland coffee and pointless conversations notwithstanding.
......